It’s bizarre to me that the magazine Entertainment Weekly (“EW” so you know they’re still hip to the initials the kidz luv) is still around. The routine puff-piece weekly magazine is like the pathetic version of Empire, pumping out boring top ten lists run through market research grinders. And the covers are the absolute worst. The Worst.
It’s no surprise to me to discover Entertainment Weekly ran a 2015 article as a hit job on the misunderstood Pac-Man ghost Clyde, who deserves recognition for his personal bravery and as an example of refusing our high pressure society. Filed under a standard numbered list title boasting false authority, “EW’s definitive ranking of the top 10 Pac-Man ghosts,” the article springs off the blocks with anti-Clyde sentiment that doesn’t make sense:
10. Clyde (Pac-Man)
Clyde is one of the classic four ghosts, so that earns him a spot on our list no matter what. But … his name doesn’t even rhyme with the others, completely breaking the flow they establish. They need to be a team if they’re going to take Pac-Man down.
I’m not sure what the argument here is. The non-rhyming last ghost makes a great refrain: Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde sounds fantastic—it’s the flow of a classic comedy team name. A fourth rhyming ghost would sound anti-climactic. This is basic stuff.
But Entertainment Weekly isn’t done, because they use Clyde’s sister to also attack him.
9. Sue (Ms. Pac-Man)
Just the female Clyde, and Clyde is pretty much awful. But she has a better fashion sense than him so …
Now Clyde is “pretty much awful.” The reason? So far it’s only because his name doesn’t rhyme with the other ghosts. Entertainment Weekly doesn’t believe in individuality, which I guess explains those covers. And how is Sue’s fashion sense better? She is the exact same sprite.
The article couldn’t resist taking one more blast at Clyde in their description of Blinky, who nabbed the #1 spot because aggravating people often get the most attention. “Blinky was and will forever be the ghost nearest and dearest to our hearts. Even if he let Clyde on the team.”
Oh, the hell with you. Clyde is nearest and dearest to my heart and to countless other people’s because he’s like the many of us who would rather not push and shove all the time and who enjoy personal comforts. The game isn’t the same without Clyde.
This is what the more sensitive folks among us face every day.